Here is the beginning of my new blog--my first blog entry!
I am learning more and more that I desperately need time to just be--to come before God just as I am and be still. These past two weeks (the last two weeks of my last quarter here at UCI) have been tough...tough in school, a bit, yes, but moreso because for some reason I've been unwilling to really be honest with God and take time to just be with Him. Since this is my last quarter at UCI (and I only found out that it would be my last quarter halfway through the quarter, like a month ago) I've been stressing about finding something to do these next few months until commencement and whatever comes next, and I've also been trying to figure out exactly what comes next--or more like what God wants to come next for me. But hearing what He wants from me is infinitely harder when I don't spend time with Him or allow Him to lead me.
*Be still, and know that I am God. Ps. 46:10*
*The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14*
How great is that? The Almighty God of the universe fights for me--I just have to be still. So crazy. Hard for me to actually do--which I guess would mean that it's sometimes kind of hard for me to actually believe. Because aren't the things you truly believe displayed in what you do and how you live your life? I believe God is in control and has a plan for me ("For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11); why do I feel I need to have control or why is it so hard for me to give Him full control of my life? I want to. I really do. Lord, teach me to give You control and let you move in my life as You desire.
In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. Isaiah 30:15
This is where I was at these past two weeks...I "would have none of it," as Isaiah said. I kept saying I didn't know what I would do next year, or even in the next 3 months after I graduate this quarter, and that I needed to pray more about it...but I avoided praying about it and giving it to God. Finally, yesterday, I was encouraged by my brother, Jonathan, and took 45 minutes to just sit, alone, and give to God what I had been holding back: my plans for next year. And what did God give me in return? Relief, peace, joy, and an answer. I have been questioning whether EDGE Corps with the Navigators would be the right thing for me for next year, and I've been hesitating so much because of my desire to return to Sweden, and a developing fear of "getting stuck" (maybe getting stuck here or in what I do)...which is weird because I know that whatever I choose to do now doesn't have to be what I will always do, and I know that following God's will for me would never lead me to get stuck, but rather finding freedom.
So you're all probably still wondering what the answer was that God gave me. So I'll tell you. I believe God is leading me to do EDGE Corps with the Navigators, hopefully here in Irvine, next year! So, Lord willing, that is what I will be doing. AND, right after that time with God yesterday, I checked my email and saw a message from my internship supervisor about a job opening for a position as a temporary research assistant working on projects related to the ecology, diversity, and restoration of southern California ecosystems starting pretty much asap through June 15!! It sounds so cool and would fit perfectly in my schedule (not to mention that it's a job), so I applied right away...it's not for sure that I'll get it (of course), but it was really encouraging just to have something to apply to. I feel so blessed... there I had been worrying for two weeks about what I was going to do, and then all of a sudden God just hands me the answers. He is so good!
"But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the Lord your God and obey Him. For the Lord your God is a merciful God; He will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath" (Deut. 4:29-31).
